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Blog of the Bartender

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Response #3: Guo Xiang

I sat alone in my tiny apartment, clutching my cell phone. The TV was on, but so low that it was impossible to hear anything. The clock ticked steadily. 12:23. 1:05. My eyelids began to droop as the minutes passed.

Just when I was about to give up and go to bed the phone rang.

“Paul!” I answered excitedly.

A cool, weary voice replied, “Hey Maddie.”

I clutched the phone tightly. “Oh Paul, I can’t wait to see you tomorrow!” I exclaimed. “We can go to a restaurant, and the park, and…”

Paul cut me off. “Whoa, whoa, Mads, slow down,” he sighed tiredly. I could see my fiancée rubbing his temples. “I can’t make it tomorrow; the company wants me here for 3 more days.”

My bottom lip curled up into a pout. “But I’ve been waiting so long for you to come home!” I whined, “I look 5 years older from worrying so much, and my hair isn’t shiny anymore!”

Over the phone I could hear Paul slap his forehead, “For once in your life could you try not to be so superficial?” he grumbled.

“How dare you!”I scoffed, hurt at his rude remark.

“I’m sorry, it’s been a long day,” Paul apologized quickly, “I promise to send you a present first thing in the morning. Okay?”

I giggled and hung up.

“Yay! A present!” I thought, clapping my hands like a little girl.

Two days later I received a package in the mail from Paul. It was quite large and ornately wrapped.

Immediately, I ripped it opened.

Inside was a fancily decorated scale.
Not knowing what to else to do, I set the scale down onto the living room carpet and stepped onto it. Nothing happened.

Puzzled I turned the scale over to see it needed batteries. To my surprise, stuck to the back was a note. Curious, I picked it up and read it:

“Dear Maddie,
I may have made you look older and “less shiny”, but hey, at least you’re still thin!
Love (I think),

Needless to say, I broke up with Paul the next day when he came home.

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